Tag Archives: Satire

Pepsi. America’s Sweetheart

Soft Drink Company Unearths New Language

February 3, 2013    In a rare turn of events, the multinational beverage corporation Coca-Cola has brought to the forefront a little-known language that was thought to have gone extinct sometime in the past 40 years.  Subsequent to Coca-Cola’s Superbowl commercial, featuring life in everyday America played out to the tune of America the Beautiful sung in various languages, a campaign to boycott Coke products was launched on Twitter last night with the hastag #SpeakAmerican.  Many of the nation’s top linguists were baffled at the resurgence of the American language in modern society, however a source inside the White House stated that “it is not uncommon when patriotism is called into question.  ‘Murica!!”
It is unclear how many people in the United States actually speak American, though there are unconfirmed reports that several executives at Fox News are fluent. Continued on Page 4

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