Can I have a Triple Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte, hold the .38 special

I like fences.  Fences separate one area from another.  They establish territorial boundaries, without having to pee on a fire-hydrant.  There’s no mistaking the objective of a fence.  Just ask an inmate. 

9.0 – 9.5 – 9.2

Plus anyone can build a fence. 

The real talent is being able to sit on one.  Depending on the fence itself, it could be a balancing act worthy of an Olympic medalist.  You’re continuously one sneeze away from what I’m sure would be a very ungraceful drop, or being ousted by a giant squirrel, and my money’s on this guy. 

So congratulations to you Starbucks.  You’re the Cirque du Soleil of fence-sitting.

Starbucks has asked its customers to leave their guns at home.

How exactly did that internal memo read anyway?

StarbucksDear Valued Employees,
In light of recent events, please be advised that beginning tomorrow, we are implementing the We-would-appreciate-it-if-our-customers-did-not-bring-guns-into-our-stores-but-if-they-do-we-will-of-course-still-serve-them Policy.
If you notice a customer carrying a gun, please do not confront them.  In fact, act like there is absolutely nothing wrong, because really, there isn’t.  While we are requesting politely that gun owners leave their firearms at home, which will be conveyed in an open letter, this isn’t a hard-line policy, and really, they can do whatever they want.
Under no circumstances are you to even acknowledge that they are carrying a weapon.  You will ensure that they are extended every courtesy as befitting a Starbucks customer, because it really is more of a polite request.
We appreciate your cooperation in this manner.
Howard Schultz

(A bit redundant, I realize, because as a general rule, you really shouldn’t approach anyone who hasn’t had their first dose of caffeine, gun-toting or otherwise).

At first it seems as though Starbucks is leaning more toward one side of the fence, but just when you think they’ve decided to jump, they pin-wheel their arms and are perched securely atop it once again.  A brilliant move from a business perspective – Piss off no one.

How about the headline in reverse?

Starbucks asks, “If you have guns, don’t leave ’em at home.  We wanna see you packin'”.

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