While I would love to entertain you with the tale of my adventures over the past year; laying the groundwork for a new salt mine at the foot of the Himalayas; single-handedly saving an ancient sea turtle from an abandoned fishing net whilst snorkelling in Hanauma Bay; or the time I met Michael Fassbender while he was filming in Liechtenstein and after a brief romantic tryst he became obsessed with me and a bitter separation ensued; alas, I cannot. I’ve signed a confidentiality agreement.
Just kidding. None of that is true.
Though I do have some Himalayan pink salt in my cupboard.
And I did snorkel in Hanauma Bay, but there was no sea turtle that needed rescuing. In fact, there were no sea turtles to be found on the entire island, or so it seemed. Not even at the grossly misleading and inappropriately named Turtle Bay Resort! Talk about playing with my emotions. As far as I’m concerned, the elusive sea turtle is the Loch Ness Monster of Oahu!
And as far as Michael Fassbender is concerned, he wasn’t really filming in Liechtenstein. In truth, I’m not sure I could even spell Liechtenstein, let alone find it on a map. It was actually in Marrakech that we met. Ok, that’s not quite right either. I’ve never been to Marrakech. Istanbul maybe?
Fine. I’ve never actually met the guy. But if I did, our brief but impassioned affair, and his subsequent infatuation, is the only obvious outcome. Obviously.
So where does that leave me? No where, really. As much as I’d like to have legitimate reasons for why I stopped writing, (and how much more legit could you get than shagging Mr. Fassbender there, unless you’re a dude, in which case may I suggest Scarlett Johansson), I don’t. I just stopped.
I had ideas here and there, but nothing came to fruition. Plus I’m lazy. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before. (Insert shameless plug here for previously posted blogs referring to laziness).
And then as the time in-between grew, all I could think of was how the hell do I start again? So I just started. And hope to continue. But I may need a nap first.
(Oh, and Lichtenstein has a population under 38,000, in case you were wondering)