Snippets

And in yesterday’s news…

I am not spam!

I realized yesterday that a lot of my comments on other people’s blogs are being treated as spam.  I am basing this on feedback from one follower/followee who informed me that she found my first comment in her Spam folder, (thanks Lisa – no, not you Lisa, the other Lisa).

At least, this is what I am telling myself rather than believe that they have just ignored or deleted my comment.  I have enough of that to deal with in real life, which my therapist and I are working to move past.  So, please check your spam…please…

A train conversation

I wasn’t eavesdropping.  I grabbed a seat on the train last night; they came after and sat next to me.  I’ll call one Blondie and the other The Old Lady, or TOL because I’m lazy.  This is what I was subjected to, paraphrased because my memory sucks but you’ll get the essential banality of it:

TOL:  Would you like a chocolate?

Blondie:  No thanks, I had a cupcake?

TOL:  Do you know how many calories are in those  Prairie Girls cupcakes?

Voice in my head:  Who cares?  They are a gift from the heavens.

Blondie:  Oh, I know but they are so good.  I made cupcakes last week for the girls.  I used such and such and blah blah blah (Me: tuning out) and they turned out so pretty.

TOL:  Oh yeah?  The last time I made cupcakes I added food colouring to the buttercream, and then added such and such and blah blah blah (Me: tuning out) and they were really, really pretty.

Blondie:  I don’t like buttercream.  I just find it too sweet.

TOL:  Well it’s supposed to be sweet.  And when you add food colouring it just looks so much prettier.

Voice in my head:  I never want to hear the word pretty again.

Blondie:  I can show you pictures.  (Grabs her phone and starts searching).

TOL:  Did I mention I used food colouring?  It looks really good.

Voice in my head:  Oh, not pretty?

Blondie:  Here, look.  (Shoves the phone into TOL’s face).

TOL:  Oh, that’s very nice.

Voice in my head:  Sounds like she likes it about as much as breastfeeding a 3-year-old.  (Too soon?)

Blondie:  Oh, and look at this one.  (Shoves the phone into TOL’s face; closer this time, almost like she should be able to smell it).

TOL:  You know, when I used the food colouring, the icing was much more vibrant, but those are nice too.

Blondie:  (Scrolling through more pictures) Yes, well they say food colouring causes cancer.  But what doesn’t nowadays.  Ha.  Ha.  Ha.

Voice in my head:  Ah yes cancer.  The joke that keeps on giving.

It is at this point that TOL decides she doesn’t want to look at any more cupcake porn and tries a different tack.

TOL:  I didn’t realize that Johnny Depp was in that new Avengers movie.

Blondie:  (Still scrolling through pictures of colourless cupcakes)  Oh really?  I didn’t know he was either.

Voice in my head:  What the fuck?

I had to move.  Actually, I had to get off the train because it was my stop, but if it hadn’t been, I still would have moved.  I’m sitting in a different car tonight.

It’s not that hard a concept

I have friends that subscribe to my blog.  This is typically what happens when I post something new.  I hit the “publish” button, they take their sweet ass time reading it, if they read it at all, (ok, not all of you, but some of you and you know who you are B#@%*a), and then they text me and say “I really liked your blog”.

Ummm, did you read all the way to the bottom.  There’s a Comments section.  This is typically where you would type your thoughts regarding your admiration (or complete disdain) for my writing.  Don’t text me!  Nobody else reads my texts.  I want the external validation printed in neon lights dammit!!

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